You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
