She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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