drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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