It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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