were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
