every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
