why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
