i would punch a child for taco bell
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
