I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
