yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
