We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
