I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
