just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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