you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
