I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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