I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sober January is a disaster.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
