Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
