I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i now understand why vodka
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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