the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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