Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
