An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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