I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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