i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
