There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
