At least make sure they are 18
Why
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
