i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
