is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
