hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I just put wine in my tea
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
