His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
