Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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