Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
