i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
