butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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