my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
