my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was confusing and full of hummus
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
