the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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