First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
