The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
