Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
