My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
