When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
