I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
