got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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