wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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