i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
