i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
