my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
