Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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