she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
