at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
