I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
