So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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