I just made out with a guy for $7.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
