Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
